Portrait of a Human Being

I chose to read James Joyce's Portrait of the Artist As A Young Man because I am a very religious person. I thought the book would be about the growth of faith, perhaps give a little background about Catholicism in Ireland, since it is so strong there.

However, the book is not about strong faith in anyway, rather it focuses on the journey of Stephen Dedalus, and his fall from Catholicism. However, the book does give insight to the harshness of Catholic education in Ireland.

Strangely, the biggest connection I could make to Stephen is his shaky faith. As a cradle-Catholic, I have had my share of doubts and struggles with plenty of Catholic opinions and doctrines. Stephen's inward struggles with himself really painted a picture of what I have gone through within myself on a lesser scale.

Last year was especially tough for me, though I have also had weak point in my faith this year as well. Stephen's deliberate rebellion isn't uncommon for me either. Sometimes I feel that when someone tells me I can't do something just because I can't, it makes me want to do it that much more.

The issue I had with the book is the lack of redemption. Of course I have had struggles with my faith, I would be hard-pressed to find a single religious person who hasn't. It is human nature to question the basis of all beliefs, but most people return again. They may hit rock bottom without their faith to support them, but they realize it and come back to God.

Stephen seemed to be so close, especially when he considered the priesthood. He made his refusal into somewhat of a religious sacrifice, but then did not follow through and just fell out of faith all together. The book does not coincide with my big blog question, because although Stephen does experience utter failure, he deserts God and thus cannot experience true success.

It is better to be loved than beloved

Toni Morrison's Beloved is a novel that actually mirrors what real life is like. Unlike a lot of books these days that are filled with perfect problems and happy endings, nothing about Beloved is perfect. The book is so enjoyable and profound because it can make you weep with the pain it causes. Reading about the horrific tragedies that American people went through at the hands of their fellow Americans is awful, and not fun. But Morrison makes her novel about so much more than just the horrors of slavery in the South.
Her story is so compelling because it shows us that anything can be overcome. Sethe and Paul D. endure so much hardship and pain, and yet they save each other with their love. But Morrison doesn't write the typical swoon-worthy romance, their love is just as complicated, just as painful as the rest of the novel and it is beautiful for that reason. Neither of them wants to rehash the past, reliving the disturbing experiences they were forced to go through together, but neither of them can live without them.
Through each other, they are able to confront the ghosts of the past, and move past them rather than just burying them in their "tobacco cans." True healing can only come after all of the demons are at rest, not while they still wait in the shadows as the ghost Beloved does. In this way, Morrison reveals to us that it is better to be loved than beloved.
Morrison's novel is painfully beautiful, but it is a tribute to love overcoming all obstacles.

With a Bang

The Stranger's underlying plot was probably the most comparable to my original big blog question. But, while Meursault's seemingly empty shell of a man devoid of emotion illustrates that failing completely does reveal true character, he does not find success or happiness after hitting rock bottom.

So this made me rethink my question a little bit and I came to the conclusion that it might be too optimistic or naive. It would be GREAT if everyone who hit rock bottom and failed completely would get right back up again and find ultimate success. Reality doesn’t work that way.

When life knocks us flat on our backs, we are more likely to lay there for a while, lick our wounds and crawl into a sitting position before finally struggling to our feet. And then, just because it can, life will often sucker-punch us in the gut, leaving us frail, bruised and gasping for breath.

However, like Meursault, we can turn this into a positive. Prior to the final chapter, Meursault’s character is pitied, sympathized with, questioned, and the cause of some outrage, but in the last moments of his life, he allows the us to see his tender, bleeding inside. His passionate break down is shocking and a little disturbing but ultimately it certifies that he is actually a human being and not some robot who has hit rock bottom and yet welcomes the next blow.

He made me realize, like many other characters, that it is human to fail and allow that failure to devastate us. All of the quotes about getting back up after we fall are inspirational and great to follow, but they don’t prepare you for the limbo between whimpering on the ground and marching back into battle. Those are the moments where raw emotion gets the best of us, when you really do find out who will stick by your side and who will run.

Camus helped me to see that showing that kind of emotion is ok, it can be helpful. Sadly for Meursault, it seems that he will never be able to square his shoulders and try again, but will leave his life almost as he entered it, unfiltered emotion and endless passion.

But hey, no one can say he didn’t leave this world with a bang, not a whimper.

Failure + Failure = Failure Without God's Help

For most of the time I spent reading Crime and Punishment, I was nervous and depressed, it didn't uplift me in any way. I was angryat Raskolnikov and his strange and fickle behavior, but nervous for him getting caught as the murderer and frustrated at the same time that he wasn't confessing. It was an emotional roller coaster.

But, by the end of the novel, I really felt that I got to know each of the characters on a personal level and I was able to connect with them. I feel that I identified with Dounia and Sonya the most, not just because they are women, because Razhumhkin was a close runner up, but because they were strongest. Dounia didn't take crap from anyone, and would not allow herself to be pushed around by a man who wasn't going to treat her right. Sonya, who is so sweet and timid and quiet, not outwardly strong, but she has such inner strength and selflessness that it's hard NOT to love her.

I'm not quite sure how this book and these ch

aracters fit with my big blog question other than that Raskolnikov pretty much failed in the biggest way possible, and then failed some more. He failed so many times and let down so many people without any redemption. Until the epilogue.

All the things that he had done previous to that one moment when he finally realizes that he loves Sonya are erased in his renewal. That was definitely my favorite part because it is so reminscent of all of the sinners Jesus has brought back to him, in spite of all the horrible, evil acts they have committed.

So maybe this book does relate after all, illuminating the religious piece of my question. We will continue to fail without any hope for success unless we turn ourselves over to God; he is the one who can give us our redemption.

Helping Hands

King Lear seemed to me to be a very depressing play where very little ends up going right. It's another one of Shakespeare's tragedies where more than half the main characters end up maimed, insane, dead or all of the above. But, also common in Shakespearian literature, "fools and madmen speak the truth," there is some clarity to all the madness.

I made the connection in Oedipus that human suffering is a universal phenomenon so nobody is ever truly alone, "all for one and one for all." Though Lear does not leave quite the same message of unity in suffering, I did feel as though Shakespeare was exposing the human flaw to seek greed and power for singular gain. He cements his distaste for this less-than-flattering human occurrence by writing each greedy character a death scene varying in shades of brutality.

The greedier the character, the more horrifying end they are fated to meet. Regan and Goneril, the savage daughters of Lear are poisoned and commit suicide respectively. Edmund, the back-stabbing son of Gloucester is righteously stabbed by his wronged elder brother and dies a slow and painful death. Lear, who is pitifully greedy for professed love from his daughters, dies of a broken heart after the only daughter who truly loves him is hanged.

I gathered Shakespeare's purpose to be this; humans do not thrive when we break apart and work only for selfish and self-serving motives. Shakespeare uses his remaning characters to further illustrate this idea. Albany, the kind(er) husband of Regan who takes pity on the victims of his wife's treachery, survives the rest and gives up his kingdom to be ruled by another so he may live in peace. Edgar, the legitimate son of Gloucester sacrifices his own comfort to anonymously assist his injured father and is rewarded by receiving rule of the kingdom from Albany. Thought neither of these men lusted after increased power, wealth or happiness, they each ended up happiest, most comfortable and alive at the play's close.

So Lear helped to strengthen my growing notion that unity and closeness between fellow humans is key to survival. That asking for help when I need it isn't a sign of weakness but rather a courageous act towards survival. Yes we must fail in order to succeed, but we don't have to fail alone and we don't have to dwell in our failures, rather we can take that helping hand that will pull us out of the hole and on to bigger, better or at least happier success.

All for one and one for all

Initially, Oedipus Rex did not make much of an impression on me besides intense discomfort and slight nausea. However, upon reflection, I was able to make the connection between the lesson Oedipus teachers and my pondering about failure. Oedipus' story is certainly one of ultimate failure, but Oedipus' reaction compared to those around him is what really struck me as important.

In the aftermath of the worst discovery of his life, the knowledge that he fulfilled the prophesy he tried so hard to avoid-murdering his father and bedding his mother- Oedipus does not allow despair to consume him as his mother did. True, he brutally punishes himself, "the king ripped out her golden brooches and plunged them down straight into his own eyeballs" (Sophocles 17) but he does not kill himself to escape his failures. Instead, Oedipus chooses to exist on and suffer for the wrongs he committed, helping others to learn from his mistake of trying to avoid the god's fate for him.

Had Oedipus followed his wife-mother Jocaste's example, his children would have been left with the idea that escaping failure is their only option when life turns nasty. Oedipus gave his daughters the gift of acceptance, the knowledge that no matter how horrible we fail or how badly life is going, we must endure and carry on. His last words to them are shining beacons of hope in an otherwise dark and suffocating future; "Live where you can, be as happy as you can" (Sophocles 20). Oedipus' lasting courage is inspiring to anyone who has ever failed at anything. So, everybody.

It took me while to realize the significance of Oedipus, because the immediate feeling I was left with was not uplifting. But reflection upon Oedipus' transformation from haughty king with everything at his fingertips to humbled and selfless leader who accepts his fate unwaveringly is truly great.

The last few lines of Oedipus certainly leave an impact and it is for the reader to decide whether it is a positive one or not; "Let every man in mankind's frailty consider his last day; and let none presume on his good fortune until he find life, at his death, a memory without pain" (Sophocles 20).

For me, this is both a warning and an inspiration. I take it to mean no one can be too comfortable in his good fortunes, for we never know what the future holds. However, the reference to "mankind" solidifies humanity as a whole, emphasizing community. Everyone is going to fail at some point or another, but we can be reassured we are never alone. We are all in this together, "all for one and one for all."

A generation of winners

"We can never be lilies in a garden unless we have spent time as bulbs in the dark, totally alone." -Oswald Chambers

My breath was heavy as I jostled to hold my position in the midst of our sweaty mosh pit. My gaze was drawn to the multi-colored ribbons Mr. Dahn clutched tightly in his hand. My eyes sought for the royal blue sliver of silk, that I knew was mine for my victory in the 50 yd dash. I grew more frantic as I registered purples, pinks, lime greens and blacks but no royal blues or even second-place reds. What is going on here? I stared at that clump of ribbons. There were too many. Not everybody had placed high enough to get a ribbon I was sure. There were not that many ribbons last year. He called out names in alphabetical order; I watched, wide-eyed as a girl I knew first-hand had never beaten anyone at anything received her flamingo-pink ribbon, same as mine.

That was the year I learned that nobody is a loser. Everybody, no exceptions, is an equal winner.

My fifth-grade field day is etched in my mind, clear as if it were yesterday. I remember my swelling pride at the the thought of receiving my hard-earned blue ribbons and then my falling disappointment when I read the "participant" scripted on the front, identical to that of the 25 other kids in my class.

After it was decided that field day was too competitive, that some kid might get his feelings hurt because somebody else won the blue ribbon, I can't help but wonder-what's next? Are Olympians going to share the first-place, high podium with someone from every country so nobody feels left out?

What is my generation of padded playgrounds, sugar-coated criticism and "participational" field-day ribbons on the road to becoming? A bunch of sore losers who can't do a thing on their own. How can we expect a child who has lived a completely sheltered life, devoid of competition to make a successful future for himself when he has never tasted true success?

Is it even possible to achieve authentic, honest success without first utterly exhausting every resource at your command and failing? "It is by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life. Where you stumble, there lies your treasure" (Joseph Campbell).

My generation will be a lost cause if we do not accept failure as part of life. If instead of padding the ground children play on, we praise the scraped knee because it symbolizes growth and adventure, to allow losers to feel disappointment and then the drive for future success. To give us the chance to learn from our mistakes instead of removing them entirely.

For the sake of my generation and those to come, let us embrace failure as a means to true success, let us rise from the ashes and soar to new heights like the great Phoenix, let us aim for the moon if we want to. After all, even if we miss, we'll land among the stars.