Failure + Failure = Failure Without God's Help

For most of the time I spent reading Crime and Punishment, I was nervous and depressed, it didn't uplift me in any way. I was angryat Raskolnikov and his strange and fickle behavior, but nervous for him getting caught as the murderer and frustrated at the same time that he wasn't confessing. It was an emotional roller coaster.

But, by the end of the novel, I really felt that I got to know each of the characters on a personal level and I was able to connect with them. I feel that I identified with Dounia and Sonya the most, not just because they are women, because Razhumhkin was a close runner up, but because they were strongest. Dounia didn't take crap from anyone, and would not allow herself to be pushed around by a man who wasn't going to treat her right. Sonya, who is so sweet and timid and quiet, not outwardly strong, but she has such inner strength and selflessness that it's hard NOT to love her.

I'm not quite sure how this book and these ch

aracters fit with my big blog question other than that Raskolnikov pretty much failed in the biggest way possible, and then failed some more. He failed so many times and let down so many people without any redemption. Until the epilogue.

All the things that he had done previous to that one moment when he finally realizes that he loves Sonya are erased in his renewal. That was definitely my favorite part because it is so reminscent of all of the sinners Jesus has brought back to him, in spite of all the horrible, evil acts they have committed.

So maybe this book does relate after all, illuminating the religious piece of my question. We will continue to fail without any hope for success unless we turn ourselves over to God; he is the one who can give us our redemption.

Helping Hands

King Lear seemed to me to be a very depressing play where very little ends up going right. It's another one of Shakespeare's tragedies where more than half the main characters end up maimed, insane, dead or all of the above. But, also common in Shakespearian literature, "fools and madmen speak the truth," there is some clarity to all the madness.

I made the connection in Oedipus that human suffering is a universal phenomenon so nobody is ever truly alone, "all for one and one for all." Though Lear does not leave quite the same message of unity in suffering, I did feel as though Shakespeare was exposing the human flaw to seek greed and power for singular gain. He cements his distaste for this less-than-flattering human occurrence by writing each greedy character a death scene varying in shades of brutality.

The greedier the character, the more horrifying end they are fated to meet. Regan and Goneril, the savage daughters of Lear are poisoned and commit suicide respectively. Edmund, the back-stabbing son of Gloucester is righteously stabbed by his wronged elder brother and dies a slow and painful death. Lear, who is pitifully greedy for professed love from his daughters, dies of a broken heart after the only daughter who truly loves him is hanged.

I gathered Shakespeare's purpose to be this; humans do not thrive when we break apart and work only for selfish and self-serving motives. Shakespeare uses his remaning characters to further illustrate this idea. Albany, the kind(er) husband of Regan who takes pity on the victims of his wife's treachery, survives the rest and gives up his kingdom to be ruled by another so he may live in peace. Edgar, the legitimate son of Gloucester sacrifices his own comfort to anonymously assist his injured father and is rewarded by receiving rule of the kingdom from Albany. Thought neither of these men lusted after increased power, wealth or happiness, they each ended up happiest, most comfortable and alive at the play's close.

So Lear helped to strengthen my growing notion that unity and closeness between fellow humans is key to survival. That asking for help when I need it isn't a sign of weakness but rather a courageous act towards survival. Yes we must fail in order to succeed, but we don't have to fail alone and we don't have to dwell in our failures, rather we can take that helping hand that will pull us out of the hole and on to bigger, better or at least happier success.

All for one and one for all

Initially, Oedipus Rex did not make much of an impression on me besides intense discomfort and slight nausea. However, upon reflection, I was able to make the connection between the lesson Oedipus teachers and my pondering about failure. Oedipus' story is certainly one of ultimate failure, but Oedipus' reaction compared to those around him is what really struck me as important.

In the aftermath of the worst discovery of his life, the knowledge that he fulfilled the prophesy he tried so hard to avoid-murdering his father and bedding his mother- Oedipus does not allow despair to consume him as his mother did. True, he brutally punishes himself, "the king ripped out her golden brooches and plunged them down straight into his own eyeballs" (Sophocles 17) but he does not kill himself to escape his failures. Instead, Oedipus chooses to exist on and suffer for the wrongs he committed, helping others to learn from his mistake of trying to avoid the god's fate for him.

Had Oedipus followed his wife-mother Jocaste's example, his children would have been left with the idea that escaping failure is their only option when life turns nasty. Oedipus gave his daughters the gift of acceptance, the knowledge that no matter how horrible we fail or how badly life is going, we must endure and carry on. His last words to them are shining beacons of hope in an otherwise dark and suffocating future; "Live where you can, be as happy as you can" (Sophocles 20). Oedipus' lasting courage is inspiring to anyone who has ever failed at anything. So, everybody.

It took me while to realize the significance of Oedipus, because the immediate feeling I was left with was not uplifting. But reflection upon Oedipus' transformation from haughty king with everything at his fingertips to humbled and selfless leader who accepts his fate unwaveringly is truly great.

The last few lines of Oedipus certainly leave an impact and it is for the reader to decide whether it is a positive one or not; "Let every man in mankind's frailty consider his last day; and let none presume on his good fortune until he find life, at his death, a memory without pain" (Sophocles 20).

For me, this is both a warning and an inspiration. I take it to mean no one can be too comfortable in his good fortunes, for we never know what the future holds. However, the reference to "mankind" solidifies humanity as a whole, emphasizing community. Everyone is going to fail at some point or another, but we can be reassured we are never alone. We are all in this together, "all for one and one for all."

A generation of winners

"We can never be lilies in a garden unless we have spent time as bulbs in the dark, totally alone." -Oswald Chambers

My breath was heavy as I jostled to hold my position in the midst of our sweaty mosh pit. My gaze was drawn to the multi-colored ribbons Mr. Dahn clutched tightly in his hand. My eyes sought for the royal blue sliver of silk, that I knew was mine for my victory in the 50 yd dash. I grew more frantic as I registered purples, pinks, lime greens and blacks but no royal blues or even second-place reds. What is going on here? I stared at that clump of ribbons. There were too many. Not everybody had placed high enough to get a ribbon I was sure. There were not that many ribbons last year. He called out names in alphabetical order; I watched, wide-eyed as a girl I knew first-hand had never beaten anyone at anything received her flamingo-pink ribbon, same as mine.

That was the year I learned that nobody is a loser. Everybody, no exceptions, is an equal winner.

My fifth-grade field day is etched in my mind, clear as if it were yesterday. I remember my swelling pride at the the thought of receiving my hard-earned blue ribbons and then my falling disappointment when I read the "participant" scripted on the front, identical to that of the 25 other kids in my class.

After it was decided that field day was too competitive, that some kid might get his feelings hurt because somebody else won the blue ribbon, I can't help but wonder-what's next? Are Olympians going to share the first-place, high podium with someone from every country so nobody feels left out?

What is my generation of padded playgrounds, sugar-coated criticism and "participational" field-day ribbons on the road to becoming? A bunch of sore losers who can't do a thing on their own. How can we expect a child who has lived a completely sheltered life, devoid of competition to make a successful future for himself when he has never tasted true success?

Is it even possible to achieve authentic, honest success without first utterly exhausting every resource at your command and failing? "It is by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life. Where you stumble, there lies your treasure" (Joseph Campbell).

My generation will be a lost cause if we do not accept failure as part of life. If instead of padding the ground children play on, we praise the scraped knee because it symbolizes growth and adventure, to allow losers to feel disappointment and then the drive for future success. To give us the chance to learn from our mistakes instead of removing them entirely.

For the sake of my generation and those to come, let us embrace failure as a means to true success, let us rise from the ashes and soar to new heights like the great Phoenix, let us aim for the moon if we want to. After all, even if we miss, we'll land among the stars.