Portrait of a Human Being

I chose to read James Joyce's Portrait of the Artist As A Young Man because I am a very religious person. I thought the book would be about the growth of faith, perhaps give a little background about Catholicism in Ireland, since it is so strong there.

However, the book is not about strong faith in anyway, rather it focuses on the journey of Stephen Dedalus, and his fall from Catholicism. However, the book does give insight to the harshness of Catholic education in Ireland.

Strangely, the biggest connection I could make to Stephen is his shaky faith. As a cradle-Catholic, I have had my share of doubts and struggles with plenty of Catholic opinions and doctrines. Stephen's inward struggles with himself really painted a picture of what I have gone through within myself on a lesser scale.

Last year was especially tough for me, though I have also had weak point in my faith this year as well. Stephen's deliberate rebellion isn't uncommon for me either. Sometimes I feel that when someone tells me I can't do something just because I can't, it makes me want to do it that much more.

The issue I had with the book is the lack of redemption. Of course I have had struggles with my faith, I would be hard-pressed to find a single religious person who hasn't. It is human nature to question the basis of all beliefs, but most people return again. They may hit rock bottom without their faith to support them, but they realize it and come back to God.

Stephen seemed to be so close, especially when he considered the priesthood. He made his refusal into somewhat of a religious sacrifice, but then did not follow through and just fell out of faith all together. The book does not coincide with my big blog question, because although Stephen does experience utter failure, he deserts God and thus cannot experience true success.

It is better to be loved than beloved

Toni Morrison's Beloved is a novel that actually mirrors what real life is like. Unlike a lot of books these days that are filled with perfect problems and happy endings, nothing about Beloved is perfect. The book is so enjoyable and profound because it can make you weep with the pain it causes. Reading about the horrific tragedies that American people went through at the hands of their fellow Americans is awful, and not fun. But Morrison makes her novel about so much more than just the horrors of slavery in the South.
Her story is so compelling because it shows us that anything can be overcome. Sethe and Paul D. endure so much hardship and pain, and yet they save each other with their love. But Morrison doesn't write the typical swoon-worthy romance, their love is just as complicated, just as painful as the rest of the novel and it is beautiful for that reason. Neither of them wants to rehash the past, reliving the disturbing experiences they were forced to go through together, but neither of them can live without them.
Through each other, they are able to confront the ghosts of the past, and move past them rather than just burying them in their "tobacco cans." True healing can only come after all of the demons are at rest, not while they still wait in the shadows as the ghost Beloved does. In this way, Morrison reveals to us that it is better to be loved than beloved.
Morrison's novel is painfully beautiful, but it is a tribute to love overcoming all obstacles.

With a Bang

The Stranger's underlying plot was probably the most comparable to my original big blog question. But, while Meursault's seemingly empty shell of a man devoid of emotion illustrates that failing completely does reveal true character, he does not find success or happiness after hitting rock bottom.

So this made me rethink my question a little bit and I came to the conclusion that it might be too optimistic or naive. It would be GREAT if everyone who hit rock bottom and failed completely would get right back up again and find ultimate success. Reality doesn’t work that way.

When life knocks us flat on our backs, we are more likely to lay there for a while, lick our wounds and crawl into a sitting position before finally struggling to our feet. And then, just because it can, life will often sucker-punch us in the gut, leaving us frail, bruised and gasping for breath.

However, like Meursault, we can turn this into a positive. Prior to the final chapter, Meursault’s character is pitied, sympathized with, questioned, and the cause of some outrage, but in the last moments of his life, he allows the us to see his tender, bleeding inside. His passionate break down is shocking and a little disturbing but ultimately it certifies that he is actually a human being and not some robot who has hit rock bottom and yet welcomes the next blow.

He made me realize, like many other characters, that it is human to fail and allow that failure to devastate us. All of the quotes about getting back up after we fall are inspirational and great to follow, but they don’t prepare you for the limbo between whimpering on the ground and marching back into battle. Those are the moments where raw emotion gets the best of us, when you really do find out who will stick by your side and who will run.

Camus helped me to see that showing that kind of emotion is ok, it can be helpful. Sadly for Meursault, it seems that he will never be able to square his shoulders and try again, but will leave his life almost as he entered it, unfiltered emotion and endless passion.

But hey, no one can say he didn’t leave this world with a bang, not a whimper.